Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make Me A

Sandwich.

Yup.

You can make me a sandwich.

Because at this point it’s really all I am willing to accept from you….unless you’re offering Ryan Guzman, then we can talk.

I get it, some people have the need to “fix” you.
They think just because you aren’t currently in a relationship or haven’t had some schlub put a ring on it that you aren’t doing just fine the way you are and because of this they want to “fix you up”.

How about no.

My simple rule is: I know what I like and what I don’t like and no amount of twisting is going to turn my arm to rubber. I’m old enough to make my own decisions and my own mistakes, I don’t need someone else lining them up for me.

Oh!!! And while we’re chatting, no more nice.
I’m done with hearing or have anyone offer nice.

Let me decode that word for you…..

When someone says: “Oh but you’ll really like him, he’s really nice.”

What that really means is: “He’s actually awkward as f*ck and has so much baggage he needs an extra carry on but I’m hoping you’re so desperate you’ll overlook that you’ll probably hate him and won’t be attracted to him at all!”

Nice.

Insert resting b*tch face here.

never-ever-settle-you-may-think-you-arent-gorgeous-smart-and-have-too-many-insecurities-to-count-but-there-is-going-to-be-someone-in-the-world-who-truly-loves-you-for-you

I am also a believer in not settling for the first person that comes along who on paper probably is a good idea but deep down you know you’re going to look at one day and wonder what the Hell you were thinking.

There needs to be that knowing from your core that this is the person for you. That doesn’t mean you instinctively know they’ll be your partner for life, but you at least want to feel that you want to spend nearly every spare hour of the day you have with them because you are willing to bet on them potentially being that person for you. I don’t care how much Tina from accounts has been nagging you that her boyfriends cousins best friends brother is nice, if it isn’t something you want to entertain and he isn’t for you, you shouldn’t have to settle to please someone else. As it is, finding someone you connect with is hard enough without the added pressure of anothers expectations that you WILL like this person.

When it come down to it, what we do for love, those things endure. Even if the people you do them for don’t. What we put out there is what matters. Whether you believe it or not, our fingerprints remain on the lives we touch and I feel too many people these days aren’t geniune in their gestures and so some of the magic has gone when it comes to finding that special someone. Now I am a Disney Princess at heart and still believe in fairytales, but I’m also realistic enough to know that that doesn’t mean it’s going to be Prince Charming pulling up to sweep me off my feet with a pair of Louboutin’s that only fit me and a Tiffany’s Soleste ring that was custom made for my finger….but one can hope…HA! However, I also refuse to believe that a person is destined to die alone just because it hasn’t happened yet or because they haven’t given in to Tina’s incessant matchmaking attempts.

To put it simply….Unless someone asks for help or advice, don’t try and force on them what you think is best.
Not everyone likes the idea of being paired off with a complete stranger on a blind date.
Not everyone likes the idea of putting themselves on a dating website.
And most importantly….
Not everyone’s ideal way to meet someone is yours.

I know people like Tina have a good heart and are probably approaching it all from a good place because they want to see you happy….but sometimes happiness needs to come from within first.

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In some ways I agree and disagree with Stephen Chbosky’s words above. I believe that yes, if we are a little broken inside and we aren’t whole, we usually don’t pick what is best for us and we cling to whatever we can because we are afraid of falling apart even more.
But
I also think that sometimes you know you deserve only good things and you have come to the party with love in your heart but it is the other person who isn’t whole and so you don’t get treated as deserved and it’s no fault of your own.
Sometimes it just doesn’t work out.

The best way I can put it is…..life is hard enough and lonely enough at times and dealing with that as well as the pressure we put on ourselves when we don’t tick all the boxes on our 5 year plan is all we can take on at times. Being made to feel without on top of this, even if unintentional, isn’t ever pleasant.

It’s easy to forget you ever felt things were hard when things have fallen into place and you have gotten what you have always wanted. Therefore projecting onto someone you know who may not have all their Ducks in a row, whilst thoughtful, can sometimes make things worse.

So don’t be surprised when someone you try and “fix” goes rabid Squirrel Monkey on you and is all but frothing at the mouth when you give them that patronizing look and say “Maybe you should try online dating”.

Instead just be there for them, let them eat that whole cheesecake when they’re feeling lonely AF and be prepared to go for a walk with them when they realise they’ve put on five kilos from eating their feelings….because they don’t need a “fix”….they just need the right time.

xoxo Natalie 

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When Friends Become Acquaintances

Have you ever stopped and realised that the social circle of friends you have has significantly decreased as the years have gone on?

It has become more apparent to me, especially in the past 6 months, that a lot of people who I happily called my friends have slipped to acquaintance status. We no longer spend a lot of time together, they don’t check in to see if I’m doing ok or if I want to catch up and a lot of empty promises of “soon” are thrown around.

I don’t like them any less for this and I don’t have any ill will towards them for no longer having time for me. Truth be told I am sure I too have done the same with others in the past. It’s a natural progression to sometimes not be so involved in someone’s life anymore. We all grow and change and occasionally we move on and if you really take notice, as some slip further away, others end up closer.

Queue the Lion King coz it’s the circle of life.

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For some of us though, it’s harder to understand why this happens. We question what we have done to create such a distance or what happened to turn the friendship into a passing sometimes. We instantly think this person doesn’t like us or that there is something wrong. Truth is, just because someone isn’t giving you what you want right now, doesn’t mean they aren’t giving you all they can at this moment in time.

Look at it this way, I can count on one hand (ok specifically 3 fingers) how many people have checked in on me to see if I am doing alright after the debacle of last weekend and to be honest, that’s totally fine by me. I didn’t tell a lot of people what was going on to begin with so hardly anyone even knew, and when I think about it, I only told the people I consider true friends.

At the end of the day, the people you call friends are the one’s who you can call any time of day and they’ll be there for you and you can feel comfort knowing they know you inside and out and you don’t need a team of people to feel good about that.

However, the people you call acquaintances are also important. They give you variety and a chance to branch out socially from time to time but they don’t need to carry all your baggage and vice versa.

I think sometimes we invest too much in the idea that we need to be liked that we lose focus of the fact that just because someone doesn’t want to be with you 24/7, doesn’t mean they don’t like you at all. Give yourself more credit. You’re pretty awesome and a lot of people think so. But you don’t need a squad to prove your worth (and to be honest I f*cking hate that term)….you just need to believe in yourself and the people who matter will shine through and support you on your way. And whether that’s one person or three or more, whatever it is it’s all you need.

You don’t need a certain number of friends
You just need friends you can be certain of 

xoxo Natalie

Sink or Swim

Lately I’ve been feeling a little like Leonardo DiCaprio’s Jack in Titanic, scrambling to stay afloat a piece of driftwood and wondering at what point will I be shoved in to the depths of the abyss because Rose is a hog and won’t move the f*ck over!

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You see my workplace currently feels like a sinking ship.
One by one, every person who has brought value and life and knowledge to this place is leaving and every day feels like a dreaded walk down death row….because you wonder who’s going to go next or will the doors even open tomorrow.

Russell Ewing said, “A boss makes work drudgery, a leader makes it interesting”.
This is where the crux of my work place’s problems lie. Once upon a time we were a buzzing team who felt like a family unit and now my joy is found in seeing nervous new candidates sitting in our reception area waiting for an interview and realising they have no idea what they are in for.

Probably doesn’t help that I whisper ‘run’ as I walk by.

I can imagine some of you are scratching your heads thinking…
“If it’s so bad, why are you still there?”

Let me answer that for you…..

I am 7 months, 20 days and 5 hours away from qualifying for long service leave. There is no way on God’s green earth I am walking away from that. I have stuck it out for almost 10 years, I sure as sh*t can do another 7 months, 20 days and 5 hours to guarantee I reach that milestone.

It is however making me question what is more important.
Is my reaching my goal of 10 years of service more important than my happiness in what I do?
Is the stress it brings worth powering through to attain the bonus of a long service leave payout?

Many of you may say no, it isn’t worth it. Your mental health is a priority and no amount of money can fix that.
Some of you would say yes, it is worth it. Take those f*ckers for all they have and get what is owed to you!

I find myself somewhere in the middle.
I am partly staying because I have given almost 10 years of my life to the one company, have endured the excuses for 5 years that we cannot be given payrises and have watched people come and go, taken on extra work and become involved across so many areas that I feel reaching the 10 year mark will be a personal achievement in perserverence. I want to prove to myself that I can do it.
The other part of me is staying because the payout will pay for my 2017 overseas trip so screw them, they owe me!

The situation would probably be less palatable if I didn’t have other projects that I work on outside of work hours and a side job that I do from time to time throughout the year….and no you cheeky Monkeys with the smirks on your faces, it is not THAT kind of side job haha.

I’m lucky enough to be able to help a friend with her clothing line. Whether it’s help with marketing and social media, or being her ‘model’ and going to events to help sell her range, I feel like I am utilising all of my untapped skills and talent. Helping her is my creative outlet and seeing the successes come through is such a reward on so many fronts. And when she is a fashion mogul she is going to take me with her or I will sneak into her warehouse and take to all of her stock with a pair of scissors! (just joking Tee haha….or am I)

I am also super lucky to work with a pop culture event as their Guest Liaison at their major conventions and as a Guest Handler at their smaller more intimate events and this is where my passion lies. This is where I get to immerse myself in challenges and engage with people and work in an environment that makes me happy. It’s giving me experience and opportunity and will help me get to where I want to be.  Getting to work with amazing people, doing what I actually love, makes waking up at 5:15am everyday for my regular job less painful. Plus everyone at my day job thinks I’m some kind of rockstar because of the people I am privileged enough to meet and get to know. I mean who doesn’t love water cooler conversations that are all about how awesome you are 😀

At the end of the day it all comes down to doing what is best for you.
No matter what your situation or what makes you feel stuck in a rut, make sure you are clear on your path and you are putting into place the things you need to get to where you want to be. Don’t get stuck clinging to the railing, cupping water in your hands to throw overboard as you watch your ship sink with you on it. Endure the hard times but look to strive for what you really want and need. Take on that second job or start that project or do that course you have been thinking about. Make those sacrifices now for your greater good because only you have the ability to choose whether you sink or you swim.

xoxo Natalie

Liability vs Lie Ability

I’ve been asked a few times since the truth bombs of Valentine’s Day, whether or not I will be getting my revenge on and making Captain C*ckthistle’s life miserable.

Now I could bring some serious Taylor Swift ‘Dear John’ realness to the table and trust me, the Hell hath no fury I want to c*nt punt him into next millenium part of me wants to.
But is it really that important for my liability within the situation to outweight his lie ability?

Sure, I could sell the story to some trashy women’s magazine and put him on blast on social media and it would probably effect him the week the story came out and then what???
Like always his fans would be forgiving, he’d go on a social media hiatus for a week or two to avoid any potential backlash, then he’d make a coached public statement to wash over his indescretions and it would blow over before it even really began.

Where would that leave me?
Would it make any of it better?
Would it fix the betrayal of trust?
Would not seeking any form of revenge just make me as underhanded as him?

At the end of the day it’s not the first time he’s been involved in a scandal, it probably won’t be the last, and it wouldn’t be the first time he got out of one unscathed. So really apart from a small level of discomfort and maybe a slight bout of shock that I would stoop to such retaliation, it would be no skin off his nose.

It would put me in a world of sh*t though and for what?
To allow someone to get under my skin that much that I would forgo my sense of self and my self worth just to get mines back.
No thank you.

So while it’s fun having a laugh with my bestie, saying how it would probably feel better than an orgasm to key his expensive car and leave little notes saying “I know what he’s been doing, do you?”, it’s an even better feeling to leave him behind.

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xoxo Natalie

Prescription for the Soul

Over the past ten years I’ve been through a lot.
I don’t often speak about all of it because not everyone needs to know everything and some experiences are mine to own whether good or bad.

What these moments in time have done though is give me a list of guidelines to try and live by.
My prescription for the soul 🙂
Some to be taken daily.
Some whenever the need arises.

I’ve decided to share some of my guidelines with you today.

Prescription For The Soul

  • Never tell someone I told you so. It is not welcome and not your place.
  • What is good for your family isn’t necessarily good for someone else’s.
  • Not everyone believes everything is either black or white. Some people live in the grey areas. Don’t judge them for it just because they sin differently to you.
  • Don’t underestimate the word sorry. It may not get you the forgiveness you desire but it should be said. Have the strength to do so.
  • An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. Try and see the good and move on.
  • Being somebody is far more important that being somebody’s.
  • Learn that you don’t always have to explain yourself. The only person you answer to at the end of the day is yourself. If you can accept who you are then that is enough. If not, change.
  • A backhanded compliment is never a compliment. If you can’t say something purely nice to someone, don’t say it at all.
  • Snark and sarcasm isn’t always endearing or funny. Learn tact.
  • Everyone grieves in their own way. Never tell someone to get over it. Two people never heal at the same pace.
  • Respect someone’s honesty and truth even if it isn’t what you want to hear. They are being upfront and respecting you. It is better than them telling you a lie to appease you.
  • Be careful what you say to people and how you treat them. If you are someone who has a tendency to be cruel or disrespectful or misogynistic, one day when you have children of your own, someone will speak to them the way you to spoke to others and you will see what you have done reflected in your children’s eyes.
  • Eventually the scales balance. There is always regression to the mean.

This list may not be for everyone but it works for me.
Maybe some of it will work for you……

xoxo Natalie

Happy Valentine’s Ay….Coz I Dont Want The D

One day that chubby little c**t with a bow and arrow will do me a solid. So far, he’s done me no favours. 

Granted the general attitude these days of “these ho’s ain’t loyal” doesn’t help, especially when most guys from my generation assume girls are texting/seeing several guys at once.

Here’s a hot tip! Not every girl has a bunch of guys on the side and some have no interest in seeing several people at once and these girls sure AF don’t want to be on some f*ckboys roster.

Oh did that sound a little aggressive?

Good!

I’m one of those girls who is sick of the assumption and just for once would like for things to fall into place. I’m tired of the worry and the nerves and being left hanging because the guy I’m seeing is too much of an a**hole to acknowledge he’s purposefully making me catch feelings to keep me around when he feels like it, but decides to distance himself in intervals instead of growing some balls and admitting he created the whole situation by giving me the boyfriend treatment when I’m with him but not actually planning on doing anything about it. And let’s not mention that I found out he has a girlfriend….and I found out today….on Valentine’s Day. *insert sarcastic LOLLLLLLL here*. Just teaches me I should read a crappy tv or woman’s magazine every now and then or do an Internet stalk instead of thinking that someone I’ve known for four years could be genuine and honest and upfront about those sorts of things. But that’s what I get for involving myself with a pseudo celebrity tv star who lies so much he probably sees nothing wrong with what he does and there not being a trace of his girlfriend on his social media from what I could see, made it all the more easy for him to hide it. It’s such a shame because not only has he repeatedly disrespected me, he’s also treating his girlfriend like an idiot. While she’s away working overseas, he thought taking me out to dinner and sleeping with me and being concerned about me when things like my car broke down and wanting me to know I can always call him for anything was ok. Well it wasn’t and it isn’t. It would have been if he wasn’t double dipping and I’m stupid for allowing him to fool me more than once….but god forbid I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt and try and believe he’s a good person because I’ve known him for so long. Unfortunately he didn’t deserve any of it or my trust in him. 

*long deep breath* 

What I’ve walked away from with this is be careful what you say and who you do because there’s a difference between being a man and a boy and it’s not just age. This goes for the ladies too. Both sexes are guilty of making similar mistakes. So before you go and assume anything and break someone’s heart or hurt them, make sure you think about what it is like in their shoes. Don’t promise the world if all you can offer is a sometimes and a half hearted one at that….the person you’re playing with deserves a lot more. 

One day said a**hole will grow up and realise there was someone amazing right in front of them who didn’t have to be treated so badly. But by then it will be too late.

Nobody waits around forever or wants to be an emotional punching bag and sometimes a sorry isn’t enough because some things aren’t fixable. I’m not saying anything to him about it now and I don’t know if I ever will. To be honest…I don’t think it would make a lick of difference if I did. He wouldn’t have done this to me to begin with if it that was the case. 

I won’t be ok for a while but I will be ok in the end. Eventually the scales balance. Eventually everything will be alright. It’s just going to take time. 

xoxo Natalie

Make A Wish

The older I get the more I learn that birthdays become less about parties and presents and more about genuine gestures and words. 

It was my birthday yesterday and there were a few people I thought I’d hear from but I didn’t. Their silence said a lot even if I don’t understand it and it hurt. 

The day didn’t go smoothly to say the least and there was almost a snowball effect of sh*tty things. But even though that put a dampener on the day, there was still so much positivity and love that it made the things that didn’t go right seem insignificant. 

What mattered was those who took the time to call, text or leave a post on social media. What mattered was my best friend baking my favorite cheesecake so I would have candles on a cake to blow out. What mattered was my beautiful friend overseas having her sweetheart little boy sing happy birthday to me over the phone. What mattered was family knowing I didn’t have the best day and doing all they could to make me feel special, loved and happy. 

It meant so much and helped brighten my day. All those things made it special and reiterated to me that being thoughtful means more than anything else. It’s the little things that are appreciated wholeheartedly and it’s those things you remember always. 

So no matter what heartache or disappointment comes knocking on your door, there’s always something to balance the scales. You’ve just got to trust and believe. 

xoxo Natalie

THAT Friend

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Let’s be honest, we all have THAT friend.

The one that is unconsciously self centred and selfish and thinks they are the only one on the planet who’s world is ending with a crisis or the only one to have had the most amaaaaazing things happen to them.
Oh! And most importantly, they deserve the world and then some because it is all about them.

What a Peanut.

Now don’t get me wrong…Peanut can be a sweet person. They can be funny and charming and you think WOW! Peanut is cool! I like hanging out with Peanut. But before long, Peanut gets comfortable and their shell starts to crack and suddenly you can see past that outer layer and lo and behold….there’s more than one Peanut in that shell and you realise….bitch crazy.

And what about when Peanut falls for someone…*face palm*

It’s always an all consuming love. A love that burns to Peanuts very core. Peanut can’t see past their amore. They’ll ditch on plans with friends to be in the same place as their beloved (but it’s not stalking), they’ll post calculated social media updates to get their love bunnies attention (but whatever I don’t even care if they see it) and even better, see signals where nobody else can see a god damn thing (you better get your eyes checked).

Now let’s be real, we all go a little cuckoo when we like someone and all rationality turns to sh*t, but sometimes THAT friend will take it to a whole other level.

Everyone and anyone who looks sideways at their crush is an a**hole and if anyone in their circle of friends gets any attention on the love boat, they are an a**hole too. Queue the passive aggressive statuses and social media posts and the why me’s because they are the only one nobody loves or understands.

Newsflash Peanut butter and jealous….everyone feels lonely, sad, missing out, left behind, unsuccessful and down right sh*tty at times. 

Pop that little bubble you are in and take a long deep breath.

We don’t always get what we want., we often have to endure unrequited love and let’s face it, we are not a Katherine Heigl movie (f**k you Katherine Heigl….and I hope you got that movie reference!).

However, despite the outbursts of crazy, you still see Peanut, you still hang out.
Even if each hang is followed by a detox where all communication is ceased for a while and you find yourself sitting in a corner in the foetal position wondering why you subject yourself to the emotional carnage that is Peanuts crunchy and never smooth ride.

Why do you bother?
Why be friends with someone who pillages your brain and leaves you senseless from shaking your head so much?

Because friendship means understanding, not agreement.
It means forgiveness, not forgetting.
And if we are being honest….we ourselves are Peanuts from time to time too.
Don’t deny it. Just look at your glorious Timehop or On This Day app and bask in your crazy glory. I have! And it’s a hoot!

Smiling and being nice is the best approach. If you can muster up all the inner peace you can and try to be kind, you can see others as your teacher instead of your difficult enemy. And maybe, just maybe, you can teach them a little bit too.

On the upside…..if you’re ever having a bad day and feel like your world is going to Hell….you can always think of the Peanut in your life…..then things don’t seem so bad after all 😉

xoxo Natalie

Blow Me…The Candles That Is!

For the first time in my working life I have been given my birthday off work (whaaat!!!).

In an ideal world…

I’d have a hotel suite booked for the night before where I could relax, soak in a spa, sip on my favorite wine, maybe get a massage and sleep in the next day before doing whatever my lady of leisure heart desires.

But let’s be real….

I’ll probably end up binge shopping at Sephora then end up sitting on a park bench alone with my regret, sobbing over what I just did to my credit card while eating my body weight in Mr. Crackles.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’ll be the first to admit I love a good Sephora haul and if my obsessive compulsive collection of Kat Von D lipstick is anything to go by, I’ll be sating my need for all the pretty regardless of what my empty wallet may be screaming at me.

 

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What can’t be avoided though is the inevitable fact that another year has gone by and you wonder….
Have I gotten any wiser?
Is my life finally as structured as Colton Haynes jawline?
Will my eating all this Mr. Crackles go straight to my ass because let’s face it, it won’t go where I want it to go…..like my BOOBS!

But even though you may find yourself shoveling sweet sweet pork crackle into your mouth, wondering whether or not your life is a hot mess, you can self five for making it this far.

No matter what the snarky voices in our heads say, it’s ok to not have it “all together” (I don’t want a cookie cutter life), it’s ok to eat a week’s supply of calories in one sitting (because f**k you that’s why) and it is ok to splurge every now and then coz if you can’t adult on your own terms then why adult at all.

So whilst my impending birthday isn’t going to be the pamper fest of my dreams and I may regret my indulgence when my thigh gap is a mere distant memory of eons ago, it is still going to be my day. Good, bad or in between, I’m gonna own it.

Farewell undisclosed age of this past year, it’s been an adventure.

xoxo Natalie