Please Don’t Be Nice To Me

Being nice has become a gesture of convenience. It rarely comes naturally anymore.
Lately every encounter of nice has been temporary. It’s been a bartering tool. A bargaining chip. A kick in the gut.

Ever had someone mistakenly put you in a position of misfortune?
Has that person then switched on the nice button to excess to make up for their bad deed?

It’s one of those moments that whilst you can appreciate their need to atone for what they have done to you, they are also in turn creating another positon of misfortune.

Don’t feel like you have to be nice while you’re in the guilt bubble.
When it pops, what then?
Because the moment has passed it’s ok to assume the effort made was enough?

Most of the time the answer to that is no.
Outstretching the hand of friendship and concern is only genuine when it is consistent. Being social and apologetic and nice only when it means squashing whatever guilt you feel for creating a sh*tty situation comes from a selfish place, not a selfless one.

Once that nice button is switched off after the fact, you’ve still left that person to deal with whatever situation you not only put them in initially, but you have left them with dealing with where they stand with you in the long run.

So please, don’t be nice to me.

Ever had someone say they would contribute and be a part of charitable and then when push came to shove they didn’t follow through on their end and left you in the lurch?

When it comes to being charitable, whether it be with your time or your generosity by giving, don’t raise your hand to participate and then back out because it’s “too hard” or because you were only looking for the recognition to be labelled as a good person but didn’t actually want to do the work to earn the title.

Being nice goes further than acknowledging that you want to be a part of something bigger. Being nice means following through. Being nice means showing up. Being nice means being true to your word.

Once again, that nice button when switched off after the fact has left others questioning your character. Don’t try and make yourself look big when your actions make you look small.

So please, don’t be nice to me.

You may be sitting there reading this wondering, well what do you want?

I’ll tell you………

I want a person to be real.
I want them to be themselves.
I want them to be the best version of who they are and not some charicature they think you want them to be.
Being nice isn’t making empty promises and it isn’t acting out of obligation.
Being nice should be being who you are.
When you are true to yourself you ring true to the world.

So please don’t be nice to me if we both know it’s pretend…..I’d rather not be given hope than be given nothing in the end.

xoxo Natalie

Dear 13 Year Old Me

There are so many things I want to say to you. I wish I could go back in time and hand you this letter because I want you to know things won’t always be bad.
I want you to be prepared.
I want you to know you have a chance.

The people who are currently your world….they won’t be in the future.
And that’s ok.
They chose their way and you chose yours. You stood alone and you were and are true to yourself. You didn’t do the expected things, you didn’t become like everyone else. Be proud of that because trust me honey, you and pack mentality do not mix!
Your individuality and independence will be one of your best attributes. Embrace it.

Always remember what Oscar Wilde said: “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”

As for that family member who always pokes your stomach and calls you Miss Piggy, they don’t do that anymore. They don’t do it because they can’t. All that puppy fat and all that teasing goes away because at 18, girl you changed! You turned into a beautiful woman and shed all those puberty blues. So pay no heed to the a**hole who really should look in the mirror.

I know he’s breaking you but he won’t win.

I also know you had a plan for how your life would turn out. I know you wanted to fall in love and get married and have a family of your own and you put such high hopes into that dream. I know you gave yourself a timeline. You wanted all of that by 30.
It almost turned out that way but fate had other ideas.
Well….actually…he had other ideas.
See, you’ll meet ‘the one’. You’ll be in your mid twenties and you will love him more than you have ever loved anyone. He will be your everything. There’ll be talks of the future and everything will feel perfect. But he won’t love you like you love him…..
He will shatter your heart the day he walks away. And as incomplete and worthless as you’ll feel for some time, you will survive.

You will learn that sometimes the plans we make don’t turn out and maybe they don’t work out for good reason.

Have faith.

You will face hurdles, you will carry burdens and you will feel lost.
But there will be laughter, there will be amazing opportunities and most importantly you will have many adventures.

Try and remember your fears are only in your head. Your head seems to be your worst enemy. Try and squash that voice telling you you can’t, because I know if there is anyone on this earth who can do anything, it is you.

You are strong.
You are resilient.
You are fierce.

So keep writing in your notebook. Put all those emotions on paper. They are your story. They are your salvation.

Until we meet again, remember I love you, I wish you well and you’re not alone….

I got you…..

xoxo Natalie