Judgement Is Mine

For someone’s judgement to be valid, they need to be valued.
Without the relevance of respect, their judgement simply becomes another opinion.

It holds no weight.

I think a lot of us forget this when another stamps their feet and claims to judge us for our actions.
We hear the word judgement and instantly we feel belittled and less of worth, regardless of whether the viewpoint is correct or not.
But anything said with enough conviction becomes believable, even a misguided assumption.

All of us look up at the same stars and see such different things.
This is what makes us unique and what diversifies us and our life experiences.
By all means we are not all going to see eye to eye, but we also shouldn’t expect to point out other people’s sins and instantly be labelled a saint.
This doesn’t make you a decent person.
It doesn’t even make the other person’s actions a wrong thing.
It just points out what you disagree with.

I think if we spent more time communicating to understand instead of just listening to reply, things would be a lot different.

I believe we are accountable for ourselves.
This might not be everyone’s cup of tea but I feel we should be able to navigate our own compass without the need for finding validation and approval in others.
It’s not an easy feat and it can be very difficult to stand on your own, but it’s better to stand for something than fall for anything, especially another’s misconception of who you are.

xoxo Natalie

 

 

Advertisements

I Am Sisyphus

For the past 2 months I’ve had a lot going on.
Much of which has stopped me from living my life as I normally would…..or would like to.
All of which had me put these blog posts on hold and had me out of touch with so much.

It’s funny how the universe will dish up all the bad and stress all at once and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it but take it a day at a time and pray you won’t be miserable forever. You plaster a smile on your face, say you’re okay and just keep going.

Without delving too much into what is going on (because there is a Hell of a lot), basically my grandmother’s health took a turn for the worse and as my grandfather suffers from Dementia, both their caring needs escalated and so of late I have been in and out of hospitals and doctors offices and trying to deal with caring for my grandfathers needs while also dealing with certain expectations placed on me that I am just not ready to take on which aren’t even my responsibility. Being guilted into cleaning up other people’s messes has been somewhat of a habit for a long time but it is something I no longer cop to. But it doesn’t mean people/family won’t still try to manipulate me into doing so.

It hasn’t been easy. I went over a month without seeing anyone and even spent a stint of time working from home because there was just no other way to go about day to day tasks while making sure my grandfather was okay also.

All of this has definitely given me respect for people who do this 24/7.

It has also had me reflect a lot on what has been put on me and expected of me and how much I have given up over the years to “keep the peace”.

After a lot of thinking and a huge deep and meaningful with my best friend, I realised to a degree I need to be more selfish. I need to stop putting what I want on hold to make sure everyone else is always alright and happy because otherwise I will always be stuck. I will never be free.

This doesn’t mean I won’t care for loved one’s or help where I can, but it does mean I start living and stop sacrificing what brings me joy.

For a long time (actually forever), I’ve been ruled by fear and by doubt and have given up so much because it would upset certain family members or was frowned upon. And if I am being completely honest, it’s left me truly unhappy deep down.

Nobody should live their life for someone else and nobody should be held back from what they want to achieve.

For a long time I have been pushing the same boulder, up the same hill, only to have it roll back down and have me start all over again.
Same people. Same problems. Same outcome.

I can’t expect anyone to pick it up and carry it away for me, I need to pick it up and hurl it away myself.

I know it won’t be easy, I know it will take time and I know I will probably upset those who have had control over me for so long, but it’s time to grow. It’s time to spread my wings and it is time to do me.

So for anyone who feels the same way, or feels trapped or is desperate to just let go, remember: Never let the odds keep you from doing what you know in your heart you were meant to do. Even if it feels impossible. There is always a way. There is always someone who will support you, who will believe in you and who will encourage you.

Live your best life.

xoxo Natalie