That’s what people are made of….
It’s become more apparent to me the older I get, that unless you live a fairly solitary life, drama will follow you wherever you go. You think you’ve left it behind in high school, you think you walked away from it in college, but really it hangs over you like a cloud wherever you interact with others, because let’s face it…there’s always something that’s going to spark the flare.
I know I’ve become less and less social this past year. I’ve become less likely to go out every weekend or spontaneously drop everything to do something crazy. It’s pretty apparent when you look at my social media and realize I went from regularly posting group pictures from outings, to mainly selfies and food shots because I just don’t socialize like I used to. These days if I want to see or do something, I take myself to do those things.
Now that’s not due to anything directly occurring to me to force me to walk away from people, I made the step back due to work commitments and family matters. Yet despite the lack of social interaction, drama still sprinkles it’s sh*tstorm on my welcome mat.
When I look at all aspects of my life, they have all been tainted and the places where I used to find happiness just don’t fulfill that feeling anymore.
Home life has been tainted by illness which is something that cannot be helped and saddens me.
Work has been tainted by toxicity and stress which has been impacting my well being and then my personal life seems to be a roller coaster whether I’ve wanted it to be or not.
Why? Because no matter how much you pull back and no matter how diplomatic you try to be, a word will be twisted, a feeling will be hurt, an action will bruise the heart and chaos ensues. And sometimes no matter how much you explain, no matter whether you are involved or not, the drama will brew till you end up on it’s bed of quicksand with no way out.
In any instance of conflict though, there are three sides to every story: your side, their side and the truth.
So I try and tell myself; you’ve got good and bad people everywhere. Half the time you don’t know the true nature of the people you encounter. It shouldn’t mean you stop living your best life.
So yes, things won’t be easy and sometimes you gotta wade through a pile of sh*t to get through to the other side to better things. But don’t let it stop you from putting yourself out there.
I’d like to think there is more good in the world to outweigh the bad.
I’d rather have hope than nothing at all….and lately…..even though it’s felt like nothing at all….I will still perservere.