Under Construction

I’ve always been a private person.
I don’t air my problems or talk openly about the things causing me grief. I never have and I don’t think I ever will. I know some people find comfort in sharing but for me it is the opposite.

However, just because I don’t openly talk about it doesn’t mean these issues don’t exist and I am therefore devoid of all troubles so can make way for taking on the troubles of others. I am tired and I am spent and to be completely honest I have no energy for it some days.

Maybe that makes me a sh*tty person, but in all honesty I think it makes me human.
I’m not saying I won’t be there for others, but some days I have enough on my own plate that is draining enough, that I can’t detach myself from it and ignore my own feelings to protect someone else’s. In a perfect world I would love for there to be a happy medium, but sometimes the scales tip in the wrong direction.
Hopefully one day I will have someone I can tell anything to without fear of judgement or opinion or the necessity to turn my situation into something about them. Until then, I will avoid the “Don’t do that again” and the “You know you should” and especially the “You know I….” And more than anything I will avoid that there are some who revel in others misfortune. I don’t want that for myself and I would never wish it upon anyone else. Nobody deserves that.

All of us have troubles.
All of us sin.
All of us make mistakes.
All of us don’t always shine in our best light and most of all, all of us have things go wrong in life that completely derail us.
We do these things and have these things happen in different shades of grey.
Nobody is pure. Nobody is perfect. And nobody is without fault.
We all make mistakes. We all do things we should not be proud of. We all stumble and fall along the way and we all end up with obstacles in front of us that cause heartache or frustration.

What we should do for ourselves though is be accountable for the things we do. We should know when we are crossing that fine line or when we are creating our own thunderstorms. It’s shouldn’t be someone getting on their soapbox making you feel less than because in their eyes you’re no good. I bet real soon those roles could be reversed. We all have our own moral compass and our own set of values and not everyone’s opinion on these things will align. Nor should they.

Moral high ground is having roadwork completed. It’s being able to have that path you’re on tarred over to create a freeway because everything is perfect and sound and there’s nothing you need to work on. You’re free.
Truth of the matter though is we are never truly free. We are never going to be perfect enough to have that freeway or to have that roadwork complete because we will stumble, we will fall and we will crack and we will always have things within ourselves and within our lives to work on.

To err is to be human and oh boy am I human….and so are you.
Some people just forget that from time to time.

xoxo Natalie

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If you didn’t tweet it, did it really happen?

Recently I heard from someone I had lost touch with some years ago. I met her when she was around 18 and we became fast friends and were super close. I used to help sneak her out of the house so she could go out (bad Nat!) and we’d go clubbing and have laughs and it was such fun times. She disappeared from my life for a while and even though I wasn’t sure why, I let it be. I realised she needed space or time or she stepped away to grow and so I gave her that space. I didn’t hate her for it or feel like it was aimed at me, I just knew that it was her time to do for her what she needed to.

Hearing from her out of the blue was nice. It was like all those years not talking, not being connected on social media and not seeing each other never happened. Even though we didn’t delve into anything too personal, it was nice to catch up and to find out she was okay. She’s happy and healthy and looking wonderful and I’m happy for her and the woman she’s become.

In hindsight I’m glad I didn’t make her absence from my life about me because if I did, I’m sure my feelings towards her and the distance would have been different. I took the time to think about it and I am glad I didn’t encourage any negative feelings because I don’t want to be consumed with those kind of thoughts…period.

It got me thinking on the reactions I have received to social decisions I have made over the past year, whether it be limiting what I post online or removing myself from certain groups or just not sharing much about myself at all at times and I realised people weren’t looking at my decisions from my perspective but from their own and some had gotten quite pissed at me for it.

At the end of the day, a persons decisions are theirs and they make them for them. Sometimes people need to do things for their own health, well being and mental space.
Let them be.
It’s why I made the decisions I did and it’s why I continue to make them. I won’t cultivate myself in any environment that brings out qualities in me that I don’t like. Distancing myself from what brings out the worst in me is going to bring a happier and more positive future my way. If doing that makes you pissed at me, well……..*shrugs*

A very good friend of mine told me a story from before he knew me, about how he disabled his Facebook account because he needed a break from it and for months nobody noticed. Nobody said a single thing until the day someone went actively looking for him on there to ask a favour.
Not to check in.
Not to see if he was okay.
But to ask him for something.

That person, when discovering they couldn’t contact him on there, proceeded to attack him via messages because they were offended he ‘blocked’ them and it was all about how they had been hard done by. The hilarity of the assumption had my friend bluntly tell this person that they didn’t notice his absence until they needed something and instead of asking what was actually going on with his Facebook, making the assumption of it being all about them was easier. He pointed out that in the grand scheme of things, his absence from Facebook really wasn’t missed, so how was it truly so bad when they didn’t care prior to them needing something.

Long story short, this person made a situation that had nothing to do with them about them and proved my friends point exactly – well the outburst they had certainly did.

People get so worked up over the world of social media and truth is 80% of my life I don’t post or comment about on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or Snapchat because it’s nobodies business. Plus the thought of anyone reveling in my misfortunes, hard times or scandals has certainly made me a more private person, and some of my scandals are juicy AF! (note to self: you could write a book)

When it comes down to it, being true to yourself and the person you want to be doesn’t always make you friends or help you keep them but it does help you keep the right ones. It also makes you feel better within your skin because you are being who you want to be, not what someone else needs you to be.

Being truly happy and surrounding yourself with what and who makes you a better person is the best end game. It’s what I am working towards.
It isn’t an easy road, but it is worth the trek.
Find you and you will find your happy….the rest is just details.

xoxo Natalie

It’s None of my Business

I don’t concern myself with choices other people make. What I do concern myself with is the health and wellbeing of my family. With the plans I’m making for my future. With my goals, my dreams and my choices. With what is right for me. 

If someone makes a choice that doesn’t directly effect me or I’m not bothered even if it does, it shouldn’t be a concern or any of my business. I hope whatever another chooses is best for them and I wish them luck, but I won’t involve myself or give a voice to what they feel they need to do. 

A sign of maturity is walking away without having to drop a lit match on your way out. 

Let people do what they want. Let them make mistakes. Let them make life changing choices. Whether right or wrong it is their journey. Never stand in the way. 

Please note this is in relation to people I would encounter day to day. This isn’t in regards to big worldwide issues. I don’t want anyone confusing what it is I’m expressing here. It’s just a thought I had when encountering an action taken by an individual and realizing it’s not my business and at the end of the day I have my own responsibilities to concern myself with. 


xoxo Natalie