You can make me a sandwich.
Because at this point it’s really all I am willing to accept from you….unless you’re offering Ryan Guzman, then we can talk.
I get it, some people have the need to “fix” you.
They think just because you aren’t currently in a relationship or haven’t had some schlub put a ring on it that you aren’t doing just fine the way you are and because of this they want to “fix you up”.
How about no.
My simple rule is: I know what I like and what I don’t like and no amount of twisting is going to turn my arm to rubber. I’m old enough to make my own decisions and my own mistakes, I don’t need someone else lining them up for me.
Oh!!! And while we’re chatting, no more nice.
I’m done with hearing or have anyone offer nice.
Let me decode that word for you…..
When someone says: “Oh but you’ll really like him, he’s really nice.”
What that really means is: “He’s actually awkward as f*ck and has so much baggage he needs an extra carry on but I’m hoping you’re so desperate you’ll overlook that you’ll probably hate him and won’t be attracted to him at all!”
Insert resting b*tch face here.
I am also a believer in not settling for the first person that comes along who on paper probably is a good idea but deep down you know you’re going to look at one day and wonder what the Hell you were thinking.
There needs to be that knowing from your core that this is the person for you. That doesn’t mean you instinctively know they’ll be your partner for life, but you at least want to feel that you want to spend nearly every spare hour of the day you have with them because you are willing to bet on them potentially being that person for you. I don’t care how much Tina from accounts has been nagging you that her boyfriends cousins best friends brother is nice, if it isn’t something you want to entertain and he isn’t for you, you shouldn’t have to settle to please someone else. As it is, finding someone you connect with is hard enough without the added pressure of anothers expectations that you WILL like this person.
When it come down to it, what we do for love, those things endure. Even if the people you do them for don’t. What we put out there is what matters. Whether you believe it or not, our fingerprints remain on the lives we touch and I feel too many people these days aren’t geniune in their gestures and so some of the magic has gone when it comes to finding that special someone. Now I am a Disney Princess at heart and still believe in fairytales, but I’m also realistic enough to know that that doesn’t mean it’s going to be Prince Charming pulling up to sweep me off my feet with a pair of Louboutin’s that only fit me and a Tiffany’s Soleste ring that was custom made for my finger….but one can hope…HA! However, I also refuse to believe that a person is destined to die alone just because it hasn’t happened yet or because they haven’t given in to Tina’s incessant matchmaking attempts.
To put it simply….Unless someone asks for help or advice, don’t try and force on them what you think is best.
Not everyone likes the idea of being paired off with a complete stranger on a blind date.
Not everyone likes the idea of putting themselves on a dating website.
And most importantly….
Not everyone’s ideal way to meet someone is yours.
I know people like Tina have a good heart and are probably approaching it all from a good place because they want to see you happy….but sometimes happiness needs to come from within first.
In some ways I agree and disagree with Stephen Chbosky’s words above. I believe that yes, if we are a little broken inside and we aren’t whole, we usually don’t pick what is best for us and we cling to whatever we can because we are afraid of falling apart even more.
I also think that sometimes you know you deserve only good things and you have come to the party with love in your heart but it is the other person who isn’t whole and so you don’t get treated as deserved and it’s no fault of your own.
Sometimes it just doesn’t work out.
The best way I can put it is…..life is hard enough and lonely enough at times and dealing with that as well as the pressure we put on ourselves when we don’t tick all the boxes on our 5 year plan is all we can take on at times. Being made to feel without on top of this, even if unintentional, isn’t ever pleasant.
It’s easy to forget you ever felt things were hard when things have fallen into place and you have gotten what you have always wanted. Therefore projecting onto someone you know who may not have all their Ducks in a row, whilst thoughtful, can sometimes make things worse.
So don’t be surprised when someone you try and “fix” goes rabid Squirrel Monkey on you and is all but frothing at the mouth when you give them that patronizing look and say “Maybe you should try online dating”.
Instead just be there for them, let them eat that whole cheesecake when they’re feeling lonely AF and be prepared to go for a walk with them when they realise they’ve put on five kilos from eating their feelings….because they don’t need a “fix”….they just need the right time.