Thought of the day…

‪If your generosity comes with a price tag, you don’t understand the purpose of giving.
It is selfless, not selfish.
It is paid in thanks & that is reward enough.
When you start expecting more, that is when what you are doing becomes about your gain and not what you can do to make a difference in someone else’s life.
Generosity isn’t about power.
Generosity is about giving hope & comfort & strength to someone else.
It is from a place of love, not from a place driven by motive.
It is safe & it is pure.

You don’t have to be rich to be generous, you just need to understand that it stems from the heart.

“The heart that gives, gathers.” – Tao Te Ching

xoxo Natalie

2016 has taught me….

That sometimes broken hearts stay broken. 

That ten years of loyalty means nothing to some people. 

That you can try and put yourself first but still come out second best. 

That waiting three years for the right time doesn’t mean the time is right or ever will be. 

That even those closest to you don’t really see you. 

That it’s ok to miss and still love those who hurt us the most. 

And that not every cloud has a silver lining, but even when it’s storming, try and dance in the rain. 

Here’s to a 2017 that is happier, brighter and lighter. May it bring the things our hearts wish for the most and I hope it’s kinder to my loved ones….it’s been a difficult twelve months. 

I’m wishing with all my might for a happier time…a time for all things right….the right time for all things yet to come…

Much love from me to you….all the best for the New Year….

xoxo Natalie 

A Good Heart These Days….

Sometimes all it takes is someone not having the decency to show some respect and treat you like a person to remind you that the things we thought were a good idea were rotten after all.

Not everyone will keep your feelings in mind when they need to the most. You can’t make chicken salad out of chicken sh*t and you can’t expect an a**hole to be anything but….no matter the thoughtful things said when nobody is around.

All these things were brought to mind as I:

  • Was walked from my job
  • Decided after 3 years to let someone in who I was afraid to allow past the wall I’d built around my feelings
  • Saw someone who could have been all of my yeses but who pushed me away and turned into all of the noes

Whilst each situation is totally different, they all came back to one thing – a good heart these days is hard to find (bless you Feargal Sharkey).

Have you ever had someone completely break your heart and yet you wish it was them who would put it back together? I battled with that feeling through each of those moments mentioned above even though I knew it wouldn’t/won’t happen. My ex workplace treated me like a pariah when I handed my resignation in, the person who I allowed in after 3 years has taken to ignoring me and the one who could’ve been all of my yeses continues to exist on a different planet to me where I’m but a mere tumbleweed in the background.

I’ve come to terms with the thought that I don’t hate those who have broken my heart, I don’t think I ever could. I’m disappointed and hurt and can’t comprehend some of what happened, but if I spent my energy hating, the emotion would consume me and I would be broken to a point where I would be accepting less. This way I am letting go and trying to just be. I’m doing things for me, I’m keeping my heart in mind and this way it gets better…in time. I can walk away knowing I didn’t tear others down going tit for tat and I was kind to my own heart and to theirs in the process.

The ex-work drama, whilst it still burns, is easier to accept as done and dusted. The feeling of betrayal and unresolved issues has dwindled because I know there will always be another job…a better job…a more fulfilling job.

As for the 3 year itch and the yay turned to nay….that’s harder to bear. Matters of the emotional heart often linger and I think always will.

However…..when you give your heart to a boy…more than likely he will crush it…why???

The difference between a boy and a man:

A man will look what he is facing in the eye. He won’t shy away from a challenge and he approaches what he wants head on. He’s willing to pick up the pieces and try and fix what may be broken. He’s not afraid because he’s secure in himself.

A boy will run and hide. He will take a crayon out of the box and press it so hard while he colors that he breaks it. He’ll then toss the crayon aside because he thinks it’s no use to him anymore.

If some boy has broken you, don’t despair. Always remember, broken crayons still color the same. A boy just doesn’t appreciate that the broken parts of us are what make us who we are. Never let some boy dull your vibrancy. He doesn’t know what he’s holding in his hands because he doesn’t understand…he’s still unsure of himself, therefore how can he be sure of you.

xoxo Natalie

The New Normal

Over the weekend I had an experience which was basically an excerpt from Anjelah Johnson’s nail salon comedy routine. It started as innocently as me dropping by our local nail salon to pick my mum up after her appointment and it ended in a judgemental interrogation as to why I “no have boyfriend.”

Now usually I am pretty tolerant of the questions asked and will smile and say “no I don’t have any news” (because asking if I have any news is the staff’s ‘polite’ way of asking if I am in a relationship), but this time the judgement was so rude and blatant it took all I could muster to simply reply “no news” tight-lipped and then look down at my phone where I was busy hunting Pokemon….because priorities!

The reason why it bothered me so much this time is that it had come off of the back of some ignorant comments made by other people and so I had hit my limit.

I think the one comment that took the cake in this series of judgey quips about my single status was “well she must be a lesbian.”
Imagine my face as this emoji here ccbf360599cfe1cdfe5b82b8b0e4f7eb

When I heard that gem I didn’t know whether to laugh at how obtuse the person was or whether to be angry that they could be so misinformed and completely ignorant, especially since a persons sexuality shouldn’t even be a factor or considered an issue.

But when it comes to people like that, there is no point trying to reason with them or their way of thinking because if you tried to explain that there are more factors at play than just pointing at someone, claiming MINE and viola! no longer single, they still wouldn’t get it.

I have friends in the same boat and let me put it this way, there are a list of reasons why we haven’t found ‘the one’ and some of them are:

  • Not settling for just anyone or anything
  • Having standards
  • Work/Life balance is out of whack
  • Having your guard up after being hurt before
  • Having responsibilities which outweigh the pursuit of a partner
  • It’s just not the right time
  • You are just happy living your life

I know for me it’s hard enough finding friends these days who can accept and understand that sometimes a person has responsibilities which means not dropping everything to do what their friends want or expect, so can you imagine how hard it is to try to find a guy mature enough to acknowledge and accept that also.

The majority of my time is split between work and helping care for my grandfather. Because that doesn’t fit the expectations of others and what they want, often this leads to people distancing themselves and it probably doesn’t help that I can’t be bothered explaining myself anymore because there’s only so many times you can reassure a person of a situation that isn’t in your control. I’ve accepted that some people find it easier to walk away and in turn I value the people in my life who do understand and realise that sometimes we sacrifice the things we want for the good of others….because we aren’t always dealt the hand we want.

So to the judgemental f*ckers out there who think there is something wrong with single folk and feel the need to hound them, just because someone doesn’t fit into societies preconceived notions of what is normal, that doesn’t mean anything is out of order.
Nobodies timeline has to fit anyone else’s expectations, not even the persons own.
What is meant to be will be.
No amount of pushing, questioning or wishing can change things if it’s not the right time.

A relationship status doesn’t define a person and not having a significant other doesn’t mean you are without. A single person is not without because they have themselves and that is the best cheer squad you could ask for.

xoxo Natalie

Dear 13 Year Old Me

There are so many things I want to say to you. I wish I could go back in time and hand you this letter because I want you to know things won’t always be bad.
I want you to be prepared.
I want you to know you have a chance.

The people who are currently your world….they won’t be in the future.
And that’s ok.
They chose their way and you chose yours. You stood alone and you were and are true to yourself. You didn’t do the expected things, you didn’t become like everyone else. Be proud of that because trust me honey, you and pack mentality do not mix!
Your individuality and independence will be one of your best attributes. Embrace it.

Always remember what Oscar Wilde said: “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”

As for that family member who always pokes your stomach and calls you Miss Piggy, they don’t do that anymore. They don’t do it because they can’t. All that puppy fat and all that teasing goes away because at 18, girl you changed! You turned into a beautiful woman and shed all those puberty blues. So pay no heed to the a**hole who really should look in the mirror.

I know he’s breaking you but he won’t win.

I also know you had a plan for how your life would turn out. I know you wanted to fall in love and get married and have a family of your own and you put such high hopes into that dream. I know you gave yourself a timeline. You wanted all of that by 30.
Wow….30….
It almost turned out that way but fate had other ideas.
Well….actually…he had other ideas.
See, you’ll meet ‘the one’. You’ll be in your mid twenties and you will love him more than you have ever loved anyone. He will be your everything. There’ll be talks of the future and everything will feel perfect. But he won’t love you like you love him…..
He will shatter your heart the day he walks away. And as incomplete and worthless as you’ll feel for some time, you will survive.

You will learn that sometimes the plans we make don’t turn out and maybe they don’t work out for good reason.

Have faith.

You will face hurdles, you will carry burdens and you will feel lost.
But there will be laughter, there will be amazing opportunities and most importantly you will have many adventures.

Try and remember your fears are only in your head. Your head seems to be your worst enemy. Try and squash that voice telling you you can’t, because I know if there is anyone on this earth who can do anything, it is you.

You are strong.
You are resilient.
You are fierce.

So keep writing in your notebook. Put all those emotions on paper. They are your story. They are your salvation.

Until we meet again, remember I love you, I wish you well and you’re not alone….

I got you…..

xoxo Natalie

Today I Got Roses…

I don’t have a husband. I don’t have a boyfriend. I don’t have a secret admirer.
What I do have are friends who are like family.
I have people who care and love me and take the time to reach out with gestures like these to remind me they are there, that even though things may not always go right, that there is always light and there is always love.

Today I got roses….

I don’t have all the answers right now for everything I am going through, but what I do have is a new day, a new perspective and a new outlook.
I may not be able to fix everything overnight or make it go away, but what I can do is persist and not give up because I can and I will.

Today I got roses….

I don’t know where tomorrow will lead or whether the things I want to achieve are going to take a week, a month or years. What I do know is if I don’t keep myself in mind, who will?
Nobody will reach your goals for you and nobody else will make your dreams come true.
So I will do what I can to get to where I want to be. I will do this without placing unrealistic expectations or pressure on myself and I will do it with the mind set that every time line is different.
Every journey is unique and that is okay.

Today I got roses….

Grand gestures are nice but it’s the little things like receiving flowers with a heartfelt note that mean the most. I never have flowers sent to me. I never receive them unexpectedly.
But….

Today I got roses….

xoxo Natalie

Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make Me A

Sandwich.

Yup.

You can make me a sandwich.

Because at this point it’s really all I am willing to accept from you….unless you’re offering Ryan Guzman, then we can talk.

I get it, some people have the need to “fix” you.
They think just because you aren’t currently in a relationship or haven’t had some schlub put a ring on it that you aren’t doing just fine the way you are and because of this they want to “fix you up”.

How about no.

My simple rule is: I know what I like and what I don’t like and no amount of twisting is going to turn my arm to rubber. I’m old enough to make my own decisions and my own mistakes, I don’t need someone else lining them up for me.

Oh!!! And while we’re chatting, no more nice.
I’m done with hearing or have anyone offer nice.

Let me decode that word for you…..

When someone says: “Oh but you’ll really like him, he’s really nice.”

What that really means is: “He’s actually awkward as f*ck and has so much baggage he needs an extra carry on but I’m hoping you’re so desperate you’ll overlook that you’ll probably hate him and won’t be attracted to him at all!”

Nice.

Insert resting b*tch face here.

never-ever-settle-you-may-think-you-arent-gorgeous-smart-and-have-too-many-insecurities-to-count-but-there-is-going-to-be-someone-in-the-world-who-truly-loves-you-for-you

I am also a believer in not settling for the first person that comes along who on paper probably is a good idea but deep down you know you’re going to look at one day and wonder what the Hell you were thinking.

There needs to be that knowing from your core that this is the person for you. That doesn’t mean you instinctively know they’ll be your partner for life, but you at least want to feel that you want to spend nearly every spare hour of the day you have with them because you are willing to bet on them potentially being that person for you. I don’t care how much Tina from accounts has been nagging you that her boyfriends cousins best friends brother is nice, if it isn’t something you want to entertain and he isn’t for you, you shouldn’t have to settle to please someone else. As it is, finding someone you connect with is hard enough without the added pressure of anothers expectations that you WILL like this person.

When it come down to it, what we do for love, those things endure. Even if the people you do them for don’t. What we put out there is what matters. Whether you believe it or not, our fingerprints remain on the lives we touch and I feel too many people these days aren’t geniune in their gestures and so some of the magic has gone when it comes to finding that special someone. Now I am a Disney Princess at heart and still believe in fairytales, but I’m also realistic enough to know that that doesn’t mean it’s going to be Prince Charming pulling up to sweep me off my feet with a pair of Louboutin’s that only fit me and a Tiffany’s Soleste ring that was custom made for my finger….but one can hope…HA! However, I also refuse to believe that a person is destined to die alone just because it hasn’t happened yet or because they haven’t given in to Tina’s incessant matchmaking attempts.

To put it simply….Unless someone asks for help or advice, don’t try and force on them what you think is best.
Not everyone likes the idea of being paired off with a complete stranger on a blind date.
Not everyone likes the idea of putting themselves on a dating website.
And most importantly….
Not everyone’s ideal way to meet someone is yours.

I know people like Tina have a good heart and are probably approaching it all from a good place because they want to see you happy….but sometimes happiness needs to come from within first.

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In some ways I agree and disagree with Stephen Chbosky’s words above. I believe that yes, if we are a little broken inside and we aren’t whole, we usually don’t pick what is best for us and we cling to whatever we can because we are afraid of falling apart even more.
But
I also think that sometimes you know you deserve only good things and you have come to the party with love in your heart but it is the other person who isn’t whole and so you don’t get treated as deserved and it’s no fault of your own.
Sometimes it just doesn’t work out.

The best way I can put it is…..life is hard enough and lonely enough at times and dealing with that as well as the pressure we put on ourselves when we don’t tick all the boxes on our 5 year plan is all we can take on at times. Being made to feel without on top of this, even if unintentional, isn’t ever pleasant.

It’s easy to forget you ever felt things were hard when things have fallen into place and you have gotten what you have always wanted. Therefore projecting onto someone you know who may not have all their Ducks in a row, whilst thoughtful, can sometimes make things worse.

So don’t be surprised when someone you try and “fix” goes rabid Squirrel Monkey on you and is all but frothing at the mouth when you give them that patronizing look and say “Maybe you should try online dating”.

Instead just be there for them, let them eat that whole cheesecake when they’re feeling lonely AF and be prepared to go for a walk with them when they realise they’ve put on five kilos from eating their feelings….because they don’t need a “fix”….they just need the right time.

xoxo Natalie