Bumbling Idiots

Recently I saw some friends tweeting about using the dating app Bumble and I thought hmmmm…let’s see what all this fuss is about.

After a very short and not so pleasant experience on Tinder, I steered clear of online dating in any form because it seriously felt like all these outlets were where dating goes to die.

I looked into Bumble and I liked that the premise of it was to give the women using the app the control over making contact. This simple perk gave the app a friendlier and safer feel and so I thought f**k it! I’ma try it!

Now I’m going to give you a no holds barred account of what my reactions were my first three weeks on Bumble. I warn you, if you are easily offended, don’t read ahead. I’m about to get pretty sassy about the experience. Please note this is purely based on my participation only, so don’t be all mad if I say something you don’t like because let’s be real, I probably will 💁🏼‍♀️

Okay…..here we go!

Firstly, for the love of all things holy, stop putting fake education on your profile. Are you 12? You didn’t go to Harvard. You didn’t go to Princeton. I think you’re lucky if you find your way to your own backyard. D*ck move.

Speaking of fake, some a y’all mother f*ckers are not 30. So you 50 year old sh*t bags having a mid life crisis need to man up, let it go, and own who you really are. D*ck move pops.

Now for a taste of the creepy. Stop putting up one picture and each consecutive picture is just a zoom in of the previous one. You look like a serial killer from a horror movie when you hear DUH DUN and the camera zooms right in on the killers face. You have crazy eyes. D*ck move.

And whilst on the topic of pictures, posting photos of you and other people and pixelating them out or scribbling over their faces like you’re putting a hex on them makes for a weird first impression. Like were you trying to cast a spell on your ex but your wizardly sorcery backfired into sh*t photoshop instead?!?! Guess what…..d*ck move 💁🏼‍♀️

Ohhhhh and now for my favorite! Don’t swipe right on someone, match up coz they swiped right too, then when they message your stupid ass, don’t bother replying. If you can’t speak to someone like a normal human being to get to know them and expect every girl to be a one trick Ho-ny and kick off with “You’re hot. Let’s ****.”, you’re on the wrong app. D*ck move f*ckboy.

It’s supposed to be a safe space for women to feel more in control and not pressured. The amount of guys on there who have a misogynistic bio poking fun at that fact is pretty gross. For once on these dating apps, a woman has the power. Those with these bios are obliterating everything that makes it a safer friendlier space by devaluing that. D*ck. Move.

And now to the story of this one guy who I matched with who actually responds to me. He gives me the equivalent of cave man one word answers, which I forgive because he is pretty and he has a dog. Then he goes quiet for a week after I’ve asked questions about what he’s told me to show I’m paying attention and I’m interested and the jerk unmatches me. It’s actually sad that these days so many people are incapable of getting to know someone? So Dear Jamie from within 8km of me 👏🏼 D*ck 👏🏼 move 👏🏼 and GFY 💁🏼‍♀️

All in all I’ve found that despite this app being advertised as a feminist twist on Tinder and that it’s a friendlier environment, it’s kinda not. The expectation is still to match with someone and basically throw yourself at them like you’re a piece of meat. Guys expect girls to engage conversations by offering themselves up and there is such a stigma against actually attempting to get to know someone. God forbid you say Hello and ask how someone is because you’re instantly labeled boring. Sorry but I’m not keen on giving some rando my phone number and private social media to skip the effort of getting to know them, no matter how cute he is or how much I’d hypothetically climb him like a tree.

So thanks for the interesting adventure Bumble. It was a laugh and I’ve seen things I can’t unsee, but to be honest, the best thing that came out of my three week bender was this:

Here’s to meeting people the old fashioned way, through alcohol and poor judgement 😂

xoxo Natalie

Happy Valentine’s Ay….Coz I Dont Want The D

One day that chubby little c**t with a bow and arrow will do me a solid. So far, he’s done me no favours. 

Granted the general attitude these days of “these ho’s ain’t loyal” doesn’t help, especially when most guys from my generation assume girls are texting/seeing several guys at once.

Here’s a hot tip! Not every girl has a bunch of guys on the side and some have no interest in seeing several people at once and these girls sure AF don’t want to be on some f*ckboys roster.

Oh did that sound a little aggressive?


I’m one of those girls who is sick of the assumption and just for once would like for things to fall into place. I’m tired of the worry and the nerves and being left hanging because the guy I’m seeing is too much of an a**hole to acknowledge he’s purposefully making me catch feelings to keep me around when he feels like it, but decides to distance himself in intervals instead of growing some balls and admitting he created the whole situation by giving me the boyfriend treatment when I’m with him but not actually planning on doing anything about it. And let’s not mention that I found out he has a girlfriend….and I found out today….on Valentine’s Day. *insert sarcastic LOLLLLLLL here*. Just teaches me I should read a crappy tv or woman’s magazine every now and then or do an Internet stalk instead of thinking that someone I’ve known for four years could be genuine and honest and upfront about those sorts of things. But that’s what I get for involving myself with a pseudo celebrity tv star who lies so much he probably sees nothing wrong with what he does and there not being a trace of his girlfriend on his social media from what I could see, made it all the more easy for him to hide it. It’s such a shame because not only has he repeatedly disrespected me, he’s also treating his girlfriend like an idiot. While she’s away working overseas, he thought taking me out to dinner and sleeping with me and being concerned about me when things like my car broke down and wanting me to know I can always call him for anything was ok. Well it wasn’t and it isn’t. It would have been if he wasn’t double dipping and I’m stupid for allowing him to fool me more than once….but god forbid I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt and try and believe he’s a good person because I’ve known him for so long. Unfortunately he didn’t deserve any of it or my trust in him. 

*long deep breath* 

What I’ve walked away from with this is be careful what you say and who you do because there’s a difference between being a man and a boy and it’s not just age. This goes for the ladies too. Both sexes are guilty of making similar mistakes. So before you go and assume anything and break someone’s heart or hurt them, make sure you think about what it is like in their shoes. Don’t promise the world if all you can offer is a sometimes and a half hearted one at that….the person you’re playing with deserves a lot more. 

One day said a**hole will grow up and realise there was someone amazing right in front of them who didn’t have to be treated so badly. But by then it will be too late.

Nobody waits around forever or wants to be an emotional punching bag and sometimes a sorry isn’t enough because some things aren’t fixable. I’m not saying anything to him about it now and I don’t know if I ever will. To be honest…I don’t think it would make a lick of difference if I did. He wouldn’t have done this to me to begin with if it that was the case. 

I won’t be ok for a while but I will be ok in the end. Eventually the scales balance. Eventually everything will be alright. It’s just going to take time. 

xoxo Natalie