Please Don’t Be Nice To Me

Being nice has become a gesture of convenience. It rarely comes naturally anymore.
Lately every encounter of nice has been temporary. It’s been a bartering tool. A bargaining chip. A kick in the gut.

Ever had someone mistakenly put you in a position of misfortune?
Has that person then switched on the nice button to excess to make up for their bad deed?

It’s one of those moments that whilst you can appreciate their need to atone for what they have done to you, they are also in turn creating another positon of misfortune.

Don’t feel like you have to be nice while you’re in the guilt bubble.
When it pops, what then?
Because the moment has passed it’s ok to assume the effort made was enough?

Most of the time the answer to that is no.
Outstretching the hand of friendship and concern is only genuine when it is consistent. Being social and apologetic and nice only when it means squashing whatever guilt you feel for creating a sh*tty situation comes from a selfish place, not a selfless one.

Once that nice button is switched off after the fact, you’ve still left that person to deal with whatever situation you not only put them in initially, but you have left them with dealing with where they stand with you in the long run.

So please, don’t be nice to me.

Ever had someone say they would contribute and be a part of charitable and then when push came to shove they didn’t follow through on their end and left you in the lurch?

When it comes to being charitable, whether it be with your time or your generosity by giving, don’t raise your hand to participate and then back out because it’s “too hard” or because you were only looking for the recognition to be labelled as a good person but didn’t actually want to do the work to earn the title.

Being nice goes further than acknowledging that you want to be a part of something bigger. Being nice means following through. Being nice means showing up. Being nice means being true to your word.

Once again, that nice button when switched off after the fact has left others questioning your character. Don’t try and make yourself look big when your actions make you look small.

So please, don’t be nice to me.

You may be sitting there reading this wondering, well what do you want?

I’ll tell you………

I want a person to be real.
I want them to be themselves.
I want them to be the best version of who they are and not some charicature they think you want them to be.
Being nice isn’t making empty promises and it isn’t acting out of obligation.
Being nice should be being who you are.
When you are true to yourself you ring true to the world.

So please don’t be nice to me if we both know it’s pretend…..I’d rather not be given hope than be given nothing in the end.

xoxo Natalie

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Maybe She’s Born With It…

A few weeks ago I decided to run an experiment. I used myself as the Guinea Pig.
I wanted to see whether or not we really are moving forward and embracing people for who they are, or whether we still prefer the edited and filtered version that is most appealing and “cute” to the eye.

I first posted a photo of myself, makeup free, hair not done, just sitting like a bum on my day bed staring out the window like a usually do on a lazy Sunday afternoon.


I captioned it “Funny how it’s photos like these that are the hardest to embrace”.

I said that because it is true. It is hard to look at a non-primped version of yourself and accept that that is what you really look like when you are confronted by images in the media that are always on point and celebrities who appear to be slaying 24/7.
Expectations become unrealistic and so looking at a raw photo of yourself can be cringe worthy. So you pick yourself apart because who better to be your own worst enemy than yourself!

I posted the photo to Instagram and to Facebook and waited for the responses.

29 likes on Instagram (I’m not Nick Bateman ok…I don’t have that many followers) and 51 likes on Facebook later, I was actually pretty surprised with the response. I really didn’t think the reaction would be so positive so I was quite taken aback by the love and support and the high fives for posting me as I am when nobody is looking.
Lots of kind words were said and it was refreshing and encouraging.

My next step was to test the waters with an edited photo where I tweaked my skin tone, smoothed out some imperfections and ensured the pose was one of those cutesy AF types that makes girls with self respect cringe (look it happened guys….I’m not gonna say I hated doing it….but I’m not gonna say I’m ashamed either…lol).


I captioned it according to my upcoming leave from work and it was a little sassy to match the pose.

33 likes on Instagram and 54 likes on Facebook later, I realised there wasn’t much of a difference in reaction to either picture.

Both received a similar amount of traffic.
Both received a similar amount of interaction.
Both received a similar amount of love.

My conclusion…..nobody actually gives a sh*t.

Now I don’t mean that in a bad way at all!

Basically I found that whether I was being myself or being the airbrushed 2.0 version of myself, the same people still gave love and still gave a thumbs up because it wasn’t about what they were looking at….it was about me.
They interacted because of who I am not what I looked like in the pictures.

That is what counts to me more than anything.

I’ve seen the ugly side of the internet and I’ve experienced it.
It wasn’t easy to deal with and it was hard to get to a point where I felt comfortable putting myself out there again on many levels, not just photograph wise but blog wise. It was actually my first ever blog and twitter account that were attacked repeatedly by an individual some years ago and so for a long time I stepped away and didn’t engage on that kind of a platform. At the time it just wasn’t worth it.

But I grew and I moved forward and I’m no longer discouraged.

This little experiment helped reiterate for me that not everyone is toxic and not everyone expects the polished veneer to be in place all the time.

It helped remind me that it is more important to work on being beautiful on the inside.
The more you show who you are, the more beautiful you will be to yourself and to others.
You create beauty with your attitude, your actions and your behaviour.
Be the best possible version of yourself.

Be-You-Tiful

xoxo Natalie

 

 

 

Unapologetic B*tch

On Sunday night I had the privilege to see Madonna in concert.
It was the last show of her Rebel Heart world tour and I can honestly say I have never experienced anything like it.

From her not starting till 11:25pm (B*tch I’m Madonna), to her stretching out the show and finishing at 2:10am (Yasss Kween Yasss!), to having such amazing seats that she was literally within arms reach, to seeing such a diverse group of people at one event having fun and loving the celebration that this show was, it was for me, a once in a lifetime experience to tick off my bucket list.

Love her or hate her, you can’t deny that her career spanning three decades still sees her selling out world tours and she is killing it on stage!

Standing there against the barrier during her rendition of Like A Virgin (excuse my bad camera work because I may have been having a minor stroke at the time), she was standing above me and looked right at me and I had a
“Holy f*ck Madonna is looking at me”
moment.
Now it wasn’t a
“Holy f*ck she’s hella famous”
kind of moment.
It was a
“Holy f*ck this strong independent outspoken boss of a lady is looking right at me and I’m in awe”
kind of moment.

Madonna is an unapologetic b*tch who built her own empire and I admire that.

Now before anyone thinks that me using the term b*tch is super negative and I mean it in a bad way, I promise you I don’t.

When I say unapologetic b*tch, I’m not only quoting one of her song titles but I’m saying that she has always been brave and bold enough to tell it like it is, has never given a toss what anyone thinks of her or what she does and has always been true to herself even if it isn’t to everyone’s liking. She has been controversial but she has always sparked conversation and that is powerful.

Now don’t get me wrong, I haven’t always agreed with certain things she’s done but at the same time I can’t deny the fact that she has worked hard and achieved things most people only ever dream of and to have the outlook and attitude that she has at 57 years of age, that is commendable.

All of this got me thinking about how much I have grown over the years.
There is so much I no longer tolerate and I find I stand up for myself more than I used to and I won’t hesitate to call a spade a spade and I know this has caused certain people I’ve encountered to dislike me and call me a b*tch but sorry I’m not sorry.

These types don’t dislike me and call me a b*tch because I’ve been mean or because I’ve done something negative to them.
These types dislike me and call me a b*tch because I’m not accepting or submitting myself to being a pushover.
I’m not quiet enough, I’m not submissive enough and I’m too ambitious for their liking.
They dislike the fact I don’t fit into the mould they believe I should be in.

Lucky for me I don’t believe in conforming to suit others.
I believe you should be taking the time to find yourself….the self that you are most comfortable with….the self that you will be proud of.

And for those who don’t understand and choose to place labels….

Assumptions are unopened windows that foolish birds fly into

So don’t be discouraged and feel you have to tamp out your light.

Be you.
Be brave.
Be bold.
Be true.

Be an unapologetic b*tch!

Take the bricks others have thrown at you and build a firm foundation.
People will test you.
So will life.
Just remember the hurdles you climb only make you stronger and b*tch is only a dirty word if you let it be one.

xoxo Natalie

Prescription for the Soul

Over the past ten years I’ve been through a lot.
I don’t often speak about all of it because not everyone needs to know everything and some experiences are mine to own whether good or bad.

What these moments in time have done though is give me a list of guidelines to try and live by.
My prescription for the soul 🙂
Some to be taken daily.
Some whenever the need arises.

I’ve decided to share some of my guidelines with you today.

Prescription For The Soul

  • Never tell someone I told you so. It is not welcome and not your place.
  • What is good for your family isn’t necessarily good for someone else’s.
  • Not everyone believes everything is either black or white. Some people live in the grey areas. Don’t judge them for it just because they sin differently to you.
  • Don’t underestimate the word sorry. It may not get you the forgiveness you desire but it should be said. Have the strength to do so.
  • An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. Try and see the good and move on.
  • Being somebody is far more important that being somebody’s.
  • Learn that you don’t always have to explain yourself. The only person you answer to at the end of the day is yourself. If you can accept who you are then that is enough. If not, change.
  • A backhanded compliment is never a compliment. If you can’t say something purely nice to someone, don’t say it at all.
  • Snark and sarcasm isn’t always endearing or funny. Learn tact.
  • Everyone grieves in their own way. Never tell someone to get over it. Two people never heal at the same pace.
  • Respect someone’s honesty and truth even if it isn’t what you want to hear. They are being upfront and respecting you. It is better than them telling you a lie to appease you.
  • Be careful what you say to people and how you treat them. If you are someone who has a tendency to be cruel or disrespectful or misogynistic, one day when you have children of your own, someone will speak to them the way you to spoke to others and you will see what you have done reflected in your children’s eyes.
  • Eventually the scales balance. There is always regression to the mean.

This list may not be for everyone but it works for me.
Maybe some of it will work for you……

xoxo Natalie

Make A Wish

The older I get the more I learn that birthdays become less about parties and presents and more about genuine gestures and words. 

It was my birthday yesterday and there were a few people I thought I’d hear from but I didn’t. Their silence said a lot even if I don’t understand it and it hurt. 

The day didn’t go smoothly to say the least and there was almost a snowball effect of sh*tty things. But even though that put a dampener on the day, there was still so much positivity and love that it made the things that didn’t go right seem insignificant. 

What mattered was those who took the time to call, text or leave a post on social media. What mattered was my best friend baking my favorite cheesecake so I would have candles on a cake to blow out. What mattered was my beautiful friend overseas having her sweetheart little boy sing happy birthday to me over the phone. What mattered was family knowing I didn’t have the best day and doing all they could to make me feel special, loved and happy. 

It meant so much and helped brighten my day. All those things made it special and reiterated to me that being thoughtful means more than anything else. It’s the little things that are appreciated wholeheartedly and it’s those things you remember always. 

So no matter what heartache or disappointment comes knocking on your door, there’s always something to balance the scales. You’ve just got to trust and believe. 

xoxo Natalie